Wedding Invitation Wording & Etiquette

(courtesy of Rebecca Black of Etiquette Now)

Wedding invitations can be made by word of mouth, by telephone, or by email. The main objective is to make sure that guests know the who, what, when, and where of the event. And although wedding invitations are much the same as any other invitation, they are more than just a simple invitation; they are a visual statement before the guest even reads the words. They convey the formality and tone of your event through the formality of the paper, letter font, and style; the more formal your wedding, the more formal the wedding invitations.

So it follows proper etiquette, that for a formal wedding you wouldn’t invite your guests via email, phone, or word of mouth. Formal wedding invitations are printed on heavyweight ivory, cream, or white paper using a classic letter style such as Roman. These are usually engraved and traditionally written in the third person style. If your wedding is informal, you are free to customize your unique wedding invitations with more informal language and style.

Note – Wedding Invitations: If you choose to invite guests for informal weddings via email, it is best to list a land address for those uncomfortable with email. Typically the bride’s parents would issue the unique wedding invitations, because traditionally they would host their daughter’s wedding. However these days, more and more couples are paying for their own weddings or the costs are split so everyone can help the couple in the best way possible.

The reasoning behind couples paying for their own wedding is logical and fair. Today’s couple is more financially able to cover the costs. No longer does the bride live at home, taken care of by her father, until the day she marries someone who can then take care of her. Women take care of themselves--they should contribute.Usually, wedding invitations will suggest who is considered the host; the host issues the invitation. Although, it is not incorrect to use the traditional style when the couple is covering the entire cost of the wedding; some wish to use this style out of respect for their parents and tradition.

Wedding Invitation WordingTraditional style used when the bride’s parents are hosting:
Doctor and Mrs. James Walker
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Cheryl Rae Walker
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
etc.

When the bride’s parents are hosting and the groom’s parents are included:
Mr. and Mrs. James Walker
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Cheryl Rae Walker
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
son of Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones
etc

When both parents are hosting:
Mr. and Mrs. James Walker
and
Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Cheryl Rae Walker
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
etc.

The bride or groom wish to honor a deceased parent:
Mrs. James Walker
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Cheryl Rae Walker
also daughter of the late Mr. James Walker
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
son of Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones or
(son of Mr. Carroll Jones and the late Mrs. Jane Jones)
etc.

Or,

Cheryl Rae Walker
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. James Walker
(or daughter of Mrs. Sharon Walker and the late Mr. James Walker)
and
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
son of Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones
(or son of Mr. Carroll Jones and the late Mrs. Jane Jones)
request the honour of your presence
etc.

When the bride’s stepfather is hosting along with the mother:
Mr. and Mrs. James Walker
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Cheryl Rae Stone
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
etc.
NOTE: If her stepmother were hosting with her father, “at the marriage of ‘her’ daughter would be changed to ‘his’ daughter’’.

An invitation issued by the couple to the wedding and reception:
The honour of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
Cheryl Rae Walker
to
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
Saturday, the fourth of March
at five o’clock
Veteran’s Memorial Center
Davis
And afterward at the reception
RSVP

For less formal weddings, the phrase: “is requested at the marriage of” could be changed to “invite you to the wedding of.” It may begin with “Please join us to celebrate” or “We hope you will join us.

A custom, informal invitation, reflecting the couple, could look like this:
Cheryl Rae Walker
and
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
invite you to share their joy
at their wedding
Etc.

The couple is issuing the invitation, but honoring their parents:
Cheryl Rae Walker
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. James Walker
and
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
son of Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Jones
request the honour of your presence
etc.

Not all invitations must be formal or informal cards as mentioned above. A nice handwritten letter could be an alternative if your wedding is a small intimate affair. An email message could be very similar.


Handwritten (Email) Invitation
Dear John and Kathy,
Timothy Jones and I will be married on March 4, at three o’clock at our home, with a buffet reception following the ceremony. Please come and celebrate with us.
Warm regards,
Cheryl Walker

Wedding Reception Invitations
Many prefer to include their reception information on the wedding invitation. However, there are times when a separate invitation to a wedding reception just makes sense. Reception invitations are often used when a reception is being held at a different time than the wedding, or when some are invited to the reception but not to a wedding.

Many times divorced parents will split the invitations, with one issuing the wedding invitation and the other issuing the reception invitation. This is appropriate when both the mother and father of the bride are hosting the wedding.Additionally, the reception invitation can include information, not mentioned on the wedding invitation, about formal attire, such as black tie. Typically, no other dress code is mentioned.
The pleasure of your company
is requested at the
wedding reception of
Cheryl Rae Walker
and
Mr. Timothy Earle Jones
Friday, the fourth of May
at three o'clock
Location

(Optional: Black tie requested)

RSVP

Address
Note: ·     This example is also very useful for reception invitations for those who wish to have a destination wedding and plan a reception in their hometown after the wedding. ·     It is considered impolite to invite guests to a wedding and not to the reception. This is implying that some guests are important enough to entertain and some are not.

The Reply/Response Card
Did you know that a reply card is relatively new and is optional? Yes it is. Actually, a formally handwritten guest's reply letter was the most common way a guest would reply years ago. For expediency and convenience we now include response cards in nearly all invitations. Plus, unfortunately many people have lost the art of writing a formal response letter today. In the past, it was considered impolite to assume your guest didn't know how to write one. Now we assume that our guest doesn’t.

Some guests may forget to write their names on the response card. In order to keep track of who responds and who does not, make a list of your guests with a number assigned to each name. Mark the corresponding number in pencil on the back of each response card. You will know quickly who has and has not replied.If you choose not to use a reply card, which is also known as a RSVP card, you would simply send a small card with your RSVP information stating, “The favour of a reply is requested by June 20, 2005,” or write it on your reception invitation. A formal response should be returned to the bride on the guest’s personal stationery.

Note: Place a stamp on the response card envelope before assembling the invitations and placing them into the envelopes.

A Formal Response
Ms. Shannon Pleasance
accepts with pleasure
your kind invitation
for Sunday, the twentieth of June
Or
regrets that she is unable
to accept
Note: ·     Using email responses is also relatively new and is appropriate for informal (never formal) weddings. ·     Because it is so new and some may not be comfortable with sending emails for a wedding reply, it would be best to include a land address to reply to also.

Assembling Invitations

You may have a number of enclosures, with which you will need to ‘stuff’ your envelopes—separate reception invitations, response cards, maps, at-home cards, etc. Lay everything out in the order in which each will be placed into the envelope, making sure that you have the same amount of each item.Enclosures can be placed on top of or inside of the traditional engraved double sheet invitation, which folds like a book with the printing on top. With the multi-fold invitation in which the printing is on the inside, the enclosures are placed inside the first fold. All enclosures would be placed facing the back flap of the envelope on top of the invitation, so the guest can read each as she opens the invitation—most important on the bottom to least important on top. For example:·     Invitation ·     Tissue, if used ·     Reception invitation ·     Response card
Note ·     Usually the tissue paper is thrown away. ·     Response envelope is placed behind the response card, printing of the names facing up toward the back of the outer envelope. ·     If there are other enclosures such as maps, at-home cards, or name cards, these are placed in order of size inside the envelope. ·     If using an inner envelope, the printing would be facing the back of the outer envelope. 

Addressing Envelopes

Addressing your envelope is just as important as your invitations and is wrought with its own set of etiquette. Your envelopes should be handwritten unless your printer can duplicate handwriting. These need to ‘look’ handwritten. Please refrain from computer generated labels. Many couples choose to hire a calligrapher for an elegant appearance.Current addresses, including zip codes, is particularly important as all of your invitations should be mailed, even those addressed to parents. These should be mailed six to eight weeks before your wedding date—at least eight weeks for out of town guests. However, before mailing all of your invitations assemble a test sample, including all of your enclosures. Have it weighed for correct postage.

Note·     Please do not abbreviate streets, cities, and states—DC is one exception.  ·     Saint and Mount can be written optionally in full or abbreviated as St. and Mt. ·     Do not seal the outer envelopes until all envelopes are ‘stuffed’. If any enclosures were forgotten, it will be an easy fix. ·     http://www.usps.com/zip4 is an extremely helpful site for finding proper zip codes. ·     Ask for hand canceling of your invitations. It will preserve the look of your envelope. Traditionally, especially for formal weddings, two envelopes are used, the inner and outer envelopes. An inner envelope is not necessary, but is very helpful. This is the best method to inform your guests exactly who is invited and who is not so as to avoid confusion. If you have decided not to use the inner envelope and you want to include an entire family, you may write “and family”. Please use this same style if you wish to give your guest the opportunity to bring an escort. You may write “and guest” on the outside of the outer envelope.The main reason why this is not the preferred method is because your guest might bring more people than you expect. “And family” to your guests may include parents who do not live with them.  

Traditional address for married couple

·     *This is the best method to inform your guest that their children are invited. ·     Children are listed by age, older to younger. ·     Children over the age of 18 should be sent their own invitation. ·     Children are not mentioned on outer envelope. 

A couple who live together, but have different last names:

Note ·     If the couple is married, there would be an “and” between the names on the outer envelope. ·     Notice also that the names are written in alphabetical order—gender is not an issue.

Siblings or other adults living at the same address

·     List names alphabetically. ·     Unmarried females can be listed as Ms. or Miss. ·     Divorced women can be listed as Ms. or Mrs. ·     All men over the age of 18 should be addressed as Mr. 

Married woman using a professional title  

Note·     The ‘and’ is not used on the outer envelope. ·     If they are both doctors, the outer and inner envelopes would read, The Doctors Maurice.

Close Family and Friends

Note: You may use familiar titles or nicknames on the inner envelope, such as Auntie, or Tim instead of Timothy.

Don’t·     Use labels ·     Use nicknames on the outer envelope ·     Use abbreviations for cities, states, and streets ·     Write first name and addresses on the inner envelope ·     Glue the inner envelope ·     Hand deliver invitations

Do·     Handwrite envelopes ·     Use an initial if you do not know the full name. ·     Use only these abbreviations: Mr, Mrs, Ms, Jr, Dr. ·     Write titles and last names on the inner envelope ·     Mail children over the age of 18 their own invitation  

Forms of Address  Outer Envelope Inner Envelope

Clergy member The Reverend Carroll Smith The Reverend Smith (With degree) The Reverend Doctor Carroll Smith The Reverend Doctor The Reverend Carroll Smith, Ph.D. Smith

Rabbi Rabbi Carroll Smith Rabbi Smith
(With degree) Rabbi Carroll Smith, D.D. Dr. Smith

Physician Shannon Stone, M.D. Dr. Stone

Professor Professor Shannon Stone Professor Stone
(With degree) Shannon Stone, Ph.D. Dr. Stone or Professor …

Judge The Honorable Carroll Smith Judge Smith

Army Officer Captain Shannon Stone, Captain Stone
United States Army  

Navy Officer Commander Carroll Smith, Commander Smith
United States Navy